Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
