dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
