You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
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WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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