I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
