dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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