i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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