you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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