oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She bit a glass in half.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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