oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
