Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
