i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
