i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
