I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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