Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I forget how to act sober
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
