I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
