So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
