the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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