I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
