Redeem this text for a blowjob
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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