That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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