he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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