I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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