put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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