If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
