Im at strip club and am horny
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
