So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
