You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
