i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
