He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
