Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
