dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
