that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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