Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
