I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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