if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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