After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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