Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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