Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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