i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
