hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
