i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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