I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
