i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
