one two three fourrrrnication!
i love accidental penises.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
