He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
