Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize