Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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