Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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