I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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