There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
