I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
