Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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