I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
