quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
