Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
