somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize