just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
