I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
