I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
