I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
