What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
