my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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