i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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