I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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