The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
