tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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