..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
