accomplished twins. life is a go
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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