I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
