Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
